On February 7, 2013, I had the opportunity to speak with a number of amazing speakers at the Norfolk Virginia Naval Station on the serious topic of raising awareness of eating disorders. The turnout was tremendous, the participation was excellent, and the question and answer session at the end was meaningful for all who attended. Not really knowing what to expect or what kind of response we would get from a room full of primarily enlisted Naval seamen/women and a few officers, I could not have felt more supported and blessed to be in Norfolk that day. This was the first time I shared my story to military members and was thankful for this opportunity.
Being honored to speak after Dr. Kim Dennis of Timberline Knolls, I knew the audience was well educated about bulimia nervosa and other eating disorders as well. Initially a raise of hands of how many people in the audience knew someone with an eating disorder, who happened to be in the military showed that roughly 1/3 of our audience members had a colleague affected. I think we all had an appreciating at that moment for just how serious a problem this is.
I spoke about my invisible battle with bulimia nervosa while serving as an engineer officer in the United States Marine Corps. While I was the only Marine Corp personnel in the room that day, I believe my story really resonated with some audience members, who could clearly relate to some degree. Mission accomplished in my book! The mission of my talk was not to explain in detail what my job entailed as a Marine, but rather paint a picture of a young woman (myself) who joined the officer corps in the Marines to make a difference.
I simply wanted to be the best! Coming from a single parent home, raised by my father, and having two amazing and very protective older brothers, I was in the mindset to set the standards as high as possible for women in the service. I performed at the top of my game, so everyone thought, almost all the time. This peak performance was stifled while I was in Fallujah, Iraq serving as an escort for female insurgents, convoy commander for missions such as land mine clearing, and the formation of forward operating bases. I was suffering quietly with bulimia nervosa, and I had to call for help ASAP.
I know I am just one of many in the military who needed access to professional help for an eating disorder. The picture was beautifully painted by all the speakers to highlight how someone who is potentially very driven to high achievement and performance may have vulnerabilities to development of an eating disorder. Panelists discussed how the military will support someone suffering with alcoholism, post-traumatic stress and depression, however, an eating disorder is often masked by all the above conditions.
Because eating disorders require treatment by someone trained, it is critical for the military to provide access to care, separate from sending those struggling to a PTSD specialist or alcoholic anonymous group. It is also extremely important that service members can let their command know they are suffering, just like anyone with the above disorders, without fear of being kicked out of the service. If alcoholism, PTSD, and depression can be accepted in the service, then an eating disorder must be accepted and treated as well. Early intervention and treatments are effective in giving the person struggling the best chance of a full recovery. Service members need to have access to support groups and one-on-one counseling sessions that employ evidence-based methodology, specific to handling the disease.
As a final note, the beauty of the eating disorders awareness seminar was that all in attendance took this issue seriously and acknowledged something has to be done about it. With service members, officers, enlisted flight surgeons and civilians talking to me about my story and how appreciative they were for me sharing it, I was delighted to see they now better understand the severity of eating disorders and need for support in the service for those affected. It was a compelling day for me personally, and I felt that sharing my story and talking to fellow service members ignited my fire to want to continue to reach out and help make a change, thanks to the support of those who made this whole seminar happen such as Lieutenant Gregory, and Chief Stiles.
I am honored and thankful for my service as a Marine Corps officer. I met some of the most amazing people and personally pushed myself to not only set the standards for women high, but make a difference as a strong, humble, leader of Marines. Suffering with the bulimia nervosa 90 percent of my time caused more trauma to my mind and spirit than I wished, however my love for the Marines and dedication to my country, and fear of being dismissed from something I had worked years for, made me second guess speaking up and getting the adequate help I needed. I’m excited to see that the military is addressing the needs of those who do suffer with eating disorders, because it could be anyone from a high-performing officer to a quiet young new private. –
“Why would you want to join the U.S. Marine Corps?”
It is a question I have been asked many times. My reply has always been, “Why not?!” I desired a challenge; I wanted to make a difference, to be among the elite, and to set a higher standard for women in the military. I felt I had the right stuff to be one of the few and the proud, so I pursued my dream to become a Marine Corps Officer with spirit and drive.
My career began as a Second Lieutenant platoon commander of a combat engineer platoon comprised of 54 Marines. In 2004 as a ‘gung ho’ 23- year-old Lieutenant, my future was bright. Having played four years of Division One collegiate softball, I was used to teamwork. Thus, that is exactly how I trained my platoon: like a team. As a platoon, we supported one another for the duration of our grueling work on a Joint Task Force with the Border Patrol in Laredo Texas, during Mountain Warfare Training School in Bridgeport, California, and throughout our deployment to the Sunni Triangle in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom III.
Unfortunately, soon after I picked up my new platoon, I developed an illness millions of people underestimate and misunderstand: Bulimia Nervosa. Even though I was living a new lieutenant’s dream – working with demolition and construction, leading convoys and academic classes, conducting weapons and martial arts training, and, of course, engaging in daily physical training – I was simultaneously waging a silent war with bulimia. I asked myself, “Is this really my dream?”
In training alongside my Marines, learning from them, teaching them and mentoring them, I earned their respect through literal blood, sweat and tears. However, my energies were exhausted as I helped everyone but myself. Who was there to mentor me? Yes, I did have a company commander and executive officer, but I would not let them see any sign of what they would consider weakness. I was responsible for lives, hundreds of thousands of dollars of equipment, and worked hard to maintain my strong female Marine demeanor and reputation I would not tarnish. As I constantly struggled to keep it together I ended up vomiting my frustrations and stress down the toilet. Initially, it was once every other day, then four to five times every day. The Bulimia took a toll on my body, mind, spirit; my confidence waned along with my ability to handle criticism. On the inside I was aching for help, while on the outside I appeared calm so nobody would notice I was desperately struggling. In order to keep my career safe, I internalized all the challenges and took ‘mission accomplishment’ and ‘troop welfare’ much more seriously than I did my own health and sanity.
Ironically, I did not take Bulimia seriously. I viewed it as a disease which silly adolescent girls developed as they aspired to look like models. I was dead wrong! Why I suffered was not because I wanted to be a model. Rather, it stemmed from my lack of balance and self-love. I helped everyone but myself by constantly judging my performance, taking pride only in my ability to mentally push myself to my limits and to never give up. I became a pro at “sucking it up.” The more I covered up my illness, the worse it became. Unless you knew me well and could pick up on the frequently swollen glands in my neck, you could not tell I was sick.
Finally, while deployed in Iraq, I reached out in desperation to my father and a couple of close friends to confess my internal battle as an external one took place around me. My father wrote me beautiful letters during this time, all which offered tremendous support. Additionally, my boyfriend at the time supported me from another base in Iraq, only thirty miles away; he was so close yet dangerously distant in our war-torn province. Although saddled with major responsibility and much to lose, I knew I had to immediately make a change – even in the middle of war. This disease was like a bullet with my name on it!! The Marine Corps had to go on without me.
I had my epiphany after leading a convoy returning to a base camp in the middle of the night over one of the most dangerous roads in our region. My living quarters were an old office building and I was the ONLY female among 100+ Reconnaissance Marines in addition to my own platoon of 50+ men. I worked all day and vomited all night. I was dehydrated, malnourished, with an unclear mind and a weakened spirit. I knew in my heart I had to leave that environment and seek immediate help. If not, I would put my Marines’ lives in jeopardy. Unfortunately, I still would not admit to needing to save my own life. After extensive convincing, I chose to be Medically Evacuated (medevac’d) out of Iraq in the middle of my deployment. My medevac experience was one of the worst experiences of my life. I came home feeling unwelcomed by my command as well as people close to me who expressed disappointment in my perceived lack of effort to “hang in there.”
I never felt more embarrassed. I thought I had made the worst decision of my life. Like a broken record of a very bad dream, I’d think: “I am a leader of Marines, this should not be happening to me. Why could I not suck this up? I have never quit anything in my life. What should I do now?” A Naval psychiatrist told me that if I were to get pregnant and have a child, I would probably rid myself of bulimia. (This was only one of a myriad of ridiculous things I was told upon my return.) A Naval psychologist also asked me what kind of symptoms I was having with Bulimia? Clearly, no one seemed to understand this disease; the helpful feedback and support I sought upon my return from Iraq was almost nowhere to be found. However with a lot of patience and perseverance I eventually received twelve weeks of outpatient therapy to treat my Bulimia.
While the outpatient therapy was very difficult, it was necessary and provided me the tools to view myself differently. The therapeutic theme centered on being gentle with myself, thereby cultivating new thought processes to help me learn to love myself and better deal with life stresses. The therapy was successful but the tools I learned took time to become a habit in my life. However, I learned to acknowledge (through my good friends, older brother who was a Marine pilot, and father) that I had made the right decision and they reinforced that it took leadership to admit to not being able to give 110 % to my Marines and mission.
It was nice to believe that I made a good leadership decision, but deep down I still felt incomplete, like I failed. I did not want to end my time in service early, as I had worked too hard for what I had, but I was told by our battalion JAG officer that because I was medevac’d for Bulimia, I had to go through an administrative discharge process – thankfully honorable – but nonetheless early and incomplete in my mind. I had to swallow my pride and have the courage to continue holding my head up and heal.
With my healing mind and spirit I acknowledge that my battle with Bulimia surfaced while in the Marines, but I do not blame the Marine Corps for my suffering from the disease. Rather, there is no blame to assign. The Marine Corps and much of the world do not understand eating disorders or the prognosis of such diseases. Serving in the Marine Corps was my choice, one I am proud of and because of it had the privilege to work with some amazing and talented individuals who have remained colleagues and friends to this day. I did choose to push myself; however, I did not choose to suffer from Bulimia. I reflect on my experience and am thankful for going through it. I took myself on a crash course of self-criticism, lack of self-love, and a desire to be the best no matter what it took, even if it meant sacrificing my health. The Marine Corps brought out both my strengths and my weaknesses. No matter what happened, I know that I did the right thing in removing myself from that environment. For those few who did judge me, I would like to challenge you to educate yourself about the disease.
My battle with Bulimia finally ended in May of 2007, eight months after my Marine Corps service ended when playing international professional softball in Italy. I decided enough was enough and with unbridled anger for my lingering Bulimia, I wrote a Dear John letter. Writing is a way of expressing myself, and the letter served as a metaphor to see my bulimia as something outside of myself. This activity had a powerful effect on me and helped cleanse my mind, body, and spirit from this life-threatening disease through actively saying “goodbye” and visualizing Bulimia as something separate from myself that was trying to hurt me. The lethal weapon that was more useful than I could have imagined was this simple letter.
To this day, my Dear John letter serves as a mental exercise to remind me to stay strong in regards to my “breakup” with bulimia. Today, I am fully recovered and embarking on a career as a doctor of physical therapy. I enjoy working with a rehabilitation population that includes fellow service members, veterans, and wounded warriors. Treating, teaching, and speaking endeavors with this population through my combination of knowledge and experience about the body are my modes of giving back in a functional and life-giving way. It re-energizes my spirit, increases my love for the Marine Corps, and gives me perspective on myself that I may have never gained otherwise.
Theresa E. Hornick, SPT Prior First Lieutenant combat engineer officer, USMC (2003-2006)
“Where is the greatest victory? The greatest victory lies in self-discovery.” – Sri Chinmoy
I have discovered that living the quiet life is something I need and want. Not just quiet as in “shhh,” but quiet as in letting go of distractions. I want a break from always being “on,” speaking up first, working all the time, being “busy” because it sounds cool, being the loudest, and being the strongest. This sense of quiet (upholding boundaries, listening to my body, meditating, and letting go of unneeded distractions) allows me to take breaks without feeling as if I am letting anyone down, allows me to meditate and feed my soul, allows me to be present to those I love, and allows me to provide the self care I need to be calm, clear, and loving to myself and those around me. Am I perfect at this? Absolutely not. It is journey, but one that I’ve chosen.
With the introspection that comes from the living the more quiet life, one thing I value more than anything is my freedom. I am proud to have served as a United States Marine. I got my hands dirty, and fought for my country’s freedom alongside many great men and women. I am proud of my family and friends and all those who have done so and still are fighting for our country. I will never take this for granted. I also do not take for granted my mental freedom. Since I have been on a journey to quiet my mind with meditation and keep up with boundaries I have with my business, writing my book, and writing blogs and social media, I have begun to see the benefits in my mind, body, and soul. I feel more calm and clear! I feel quiet inside.
As someone who is driven like many of you, it is easy to be a slave to your to-do list, or whatever tasks you have that day, week, or month. It is easy to get wrapped up into the “go go go” mindset and not really ever take a breath unless it is on a faraway beach with a glass of tequila in your hand.
To be honest, this is not ok with me anymore. I want to be able to be quiet, calm, and clear NOW and always, not just when I am on a vacation from reality. I know and feel off when I start to be a slave to my job, my to-do list, and what I feel other people want from me. Anything that does not resonate with my inner self I have to purge, almost like I would when I purged food when I had an eating disorder. But this kind of purging is relieving, long-lasting, and does not cause depression like my eating disorder did, thankfully. This kind of purging lightens the load of things that distract me. It opens me up to not comparing or looking outside myself for solutions and self awareness which ends up making me feel worse and less in tune with myself.
On my last vacation, which I called my #WarriorVacation because I spent it in the wetlands of the Pantanal in Brazil where I had to disconnect from all technology, I did another purging. After a long morning meditation, I took all applications off my phone that were distracting (so pretty much all), as well as email except for the email I use to be in touch with family. Physically, phones place us in horrible positions. They are also our connection to what is going on in the outside world. This is great, but is not necessary 24-7. Most people check their phones 20 to 30 times a day. The average college student is on their phone 10 hours a day! Seriously!! When I go to restaurants, when I’m waiting in line at Starbucks, I see people on their phones, not communicating, and with horrible neck positions. So think about getting your neck adjusted, and get rid of the need to be on your phone 24-7. This will help your neck and your mind.
When I die, I will not have wished I checked Facebook more, or checked my email five times more a day. Rather, I will be happy I spent quality time with my father before he passed. I’ll be grateful for the time I spent with my family, my nephews and nieces, my husband traveling all over the world, and building a business I feel is making a shit ton of difference!
In a nutshell, I do not want my phone to be an appendage and a quick draw for me at any moment I do not have something to do. I wanted to be present. This is FREEING!
The challenging part now is that I do feel disconnected because I was ALWAYS connected, but am coming to grips with that. A better way to look at it is I am less connected outwardly, and more connected inwardly. I will not know everything that is going on right away, or be quick to respond to emails, but my head and heart will be less distracted, less attached to something superficial that feeds me information at every waking moment. Now I give myself times during the day where I connect and I’m online, and then the rest of the time, I am offline, present with my patients, writing, researching, being with my PT’s, and most importantly my husband, Per.
The irony of all this is that I am now more ON than ever, but in my quiet, peaceful, calm, and much more clear way!
If your mind is constantly running, worrying, tired, or excitable, then keep reading.
How many of you spend hours on the computer, phone, social media, watching TV, talking on the phone. How often do you do this in well lit rooms, working on less than 8 hours of sleep? Have you ever tried to clear your head of thoughts? Were you successful?
Most of us are over-stimulated in many ways. We find ourselves under-rested (consistently less than 8 hours a night), full of empty calories, over-caffeinated, multi-tasking, exposed to bright lights (as opposed to natural light) all day, and sedentary. This puts us in a consistent low-level “fight or flight” mode, confusing our nervous system’s efforts to up-regulate or down-regulate. While not quite like running from a bear, your ambient stress is akin to having a large hairy insect crawling on the ceiling right above your head. Do you want to spend all day wondering if that dang bug is going to drop down the back of your shirt? Probably not. But how many of us live our lives states otherwise. Our anxiety rises, our skin looks worn, our emotions are up and down, our mind won’t stop running. You can even be on vacation and feel this way. How can you give your brain (and thus your body) a break?
In Tibet, Buddhist monks believe that our thoughts, i.e. our conceptual mind, are a 6th sense. Their thinking is that we have the power to turn the mind off; however we need to practice it. Our “Monkey Mind,” needs taming, says Jim Cahill, a Mindfulness Basis Biofeedback Therapy practitioner. If you believe that you can shortcut this because you can compartmentalize thoughts and multi-task, you’re probably wrong. NY Times best-selling author Susan Caine writes in her book Quiet, “Scientists know that the brain is incapable of paying attention to two things at the same time. What looks like multi-tasking is really switching back and forth between multiple tasks, which reduces productivity and increases mistakes up to 50 percent.”
An excellent article by Matthew A. Killingsworth and Daniel T. Gilbert from Harvard University concluded that “a human mind is a wandering mind, and a wandering mind is an unhappy mind.” They found that 1) peoples minds wander frequently, regardless of what they are doing. 2) People were less happy when their minds wandered than when they were not, and this was true during all activities including the least enjoyable. 3) What people were thinking was a better predictor of their happiness that was what they were doing.
Why am I telling you this? For the first time in my life, I have been exposed to a skill that has helped me better take care of myself. It has helped me stay in the precious present with my tasks at hand, and helped me wade through all the daily noise to get to know my true self. In short, I am learning to control my thoughts and thus my reaction to stimuli.
So here is how you can calm your Monkey Mind on a daily basis: Mindfulness Based Meditation Practice.
It ain’t easy. The near universal experience of beginner meditators is the realization of just how unmanageable one’s attention can be. Distractions are normal and expected and come from the five physical senses as well as that Buddhist 6th sense – the conceptual mind made up of our thoughts, feelings, memories, and fantasies.
Through mindfulness based meditation you can learn to calm your mind by grounding in the moment with any physical sense for a few moments, center your mind on the object or activity (ie breath) and hold it there for a set time each day. Your job is to center yourself, understanding distractions come into your mind and heart, but you can easily let them go without judgement and re-direct your attention to the object or breath. Mark Divine, CEO of SealFit and author of Unbeatable Mind, uses counting as a way to center his mind. His object is his breaths and he uses numbers as a way to stay focused.
For me, this practice is unlike anything else I have tried before and is helping me get to better know my soul and how to care for me. Having been through my fare share of love, uncertainty, trauma, sadness, happiness, the grind of school, an eating disorder, and the self-perfection of a profressional athlete and a Marine Corps officer, I have seen many psychologists and have talked a lot.
For me, the quiet and discipline of meditation has proven to be my key for finding calm and clarity in the midst of utter chaos and every day life.
The most obvious answer is, you spend at least 1/3 of your life in bed, so make it as enjoyable and complete an experience you can. Also in all honestly If you do not sleep, you will die…SLOWLY!
No really, sleep is essential for our bodies’ complete functioning on all cylinders. Your mental, physical, and even spiritual health rely on your ability to get the 7.5-9 hours of daily sleep (includes a 20-30 minute nap).1 2
What happens when you do not sleep:
Obviously you become less resilient over time, your mood shifts, your body will not recover as quickly, and your body and brain age faster.
Here are some facts by Ben Greenfield, one of the leading fitness and health podcasters of our time.1 2
Your brain cleans up cellular garbage when you sleep. Basically, re-organization of neural networks take place. During a typical day your mind is working consciously and subconsciously, learning new things, summarizing facts or task processes, acquiring skills, building memories. There has to be some time during the day that your brain can rest and re-organize and refresh. Sleep time it is. If sleep does not happen, your body and mind will malfunction.How it malfunctions is concerning. You will have trouble with hot and cold regulation which is governed by your central nervous system. There will be a decline in immune function, there will be a increase in cortisol, catecholamines, and other stress hormones, increase in inflammation, and imbalances in blood sugar to name a few.
Your body repairs at night during your sleep.Your physical ability to recover goes down by almost 70% if you do not sleep enough. Forget PR’s in running, biking, swimming, and WODing. Even if you do, you are not optimal and your body is not functioning at full capacity. It is like the concept of pain. If you don’t have pain, does not mean you are moving awesome. Your poor or good movement patterns will effect you over time. Despite how you feel and how you kid yourself daily with 3-5 cups of coffee and whatever other legal or illegal drug you use to stay awake, your lack of sleep or sufficient sleep will affect you.However, the scary thing is, maybe you have no idea what should feel right because you have always been sleep deprived and working at 70% of your capacity. For the love of barbells and living an awesome life, get some rest!!During night time sleep, you experience an increase or surge in growth hormone and testosterone, two crucial muscle repairing hormones which also significantly affect your neural growth and the way you feel during the day. Your muscles get a chance to repair, but your adrenals also thank you and are given a chance to relax and your liver is able to do its job of detoxification, and your immune system is able to rebuild.Just putting your feet up is not going to cut it. Sleep matters!
Mind Blowing Statistics on Sleep:
The sleep industry is a $16 billion dollar industry. This does not include accidents and decreased productivity at work due to higher stress and lack of focus which costs America $150 billion dollars.1 2
As Ben Greenfield would say, do some research and check out some of our nation’s catastrophies and how they are directly related to sleep deprivation. Think of the disasters at Three Mile Island. Chernobyl. The gas leak at Bhopal. The Zeebrugge disaster. The Exxon Valdez oil spill.
What about high blood pressure and heart disease? Each year sleep disorders add $16 billion to national health-care costs.
How Many Hours are ideal: 2
This can vary depending on your genetics, but the National Sleep Foundation has established guidelines (shown below) based on their up-to-date sleep research.
Morning Light, Your Cortisol, Body Temperature, and Napping:
Good morning sunlight otherwise known as blue light exposure will kick start your circadium rhythm to optimize cortisol release in your body. This blue light is a phenomenon and should be experienced between the 2 -3 hours after sunrise. This unfiltered exposure to your naked eyeballs can literally help your cortisol levels decline in the evening, so you can have a more deep and effective sleep. 7
Your body temperature takes two dips during the day. 1 is 8 hours after you wake up, and the second is before you go to bed. Your body drops slightly in temperature and sleepiness takes over. You may have thought you were bored or it was your food, but it is a great time to take a power nap. Your body needs to be re-energized and we are designed for frequent rest. Unfortunately our society and work life may not support this, but fit it in when you can; your body is crying for it.
Best Positions to Sleep: 34 5
#1) On Your Back in shavasana or “corpse pose”
Lying on your back puts the least amount of load on the spine. Add a pillow under your knees and a soft yet not too-thick pillow underneath your head, if necessary, and you are golden. Ideally you should not need a pillow under your head, but we have grown accustomed to our head pillows, so just make sure the pillow is not so thick that it throws your neck into too much flexion. In this corpse pose, the nerve plexus in your hip region and shoulder region are opened up, your low back can relax (depending on your mattress), see below on how you know if you NEED a new mattress.
#2) Side Sleeping
This has slightly more load on the spine, but often times is the most comfortable position. Doctors encourage sleeping on the left side during pregnancy because it improves circulation to the heart, which benefits both mom and baby. Side sleeping is also a pregnancy winner because sleeping on the back puts pressure on the lower back (which can lead to fainting). For those who are NOT pregnant sleeping on the left side can also ease heartburn and acid reflux, making it easier for people with these conditions to doze off. Add a pillow between your knees and make sure all your hip, shoulder, and ear are lines up so your spine actually can stay in a neutral position while sleeping. To give you a visual, your neck should not be side bent in any way or flexed forward, or your top leg hinging forward into internal rotation. If you spend 1/3 of your life in a douchey position, you can’t expect your body to perform optimally for the 30-60 minutes you spend in the gym.
#3) Stomach sleeping:
This is the worst sleep position because if you are using a pillow you end up throwing your neck into extension and rotation cutting off vital vascular circulation to your brain and arms. Plus it can throw your lower spine into an overextension. If you just have to sleep in this position throw a pillow under your abdomen and do NOT use a pillow for your neck.
Do you have a good mattress?
As Dr. Kelly Starrett mentioned in his MobilityWOD video, you spend 1/3 of your life in bed, so make sure the mattress is amazing. Kelly devised a 1 minute rule. If you lay on your back in your own bed and you immediately have to change positions to get comfortable or kick out a leg of place or put your arms in funky positions, then it is time to get a new mattress. You want to feel like you are sleeping on clouds.8
The mattress that’s right for you lets you wake up feeling rested and free of pain or soreness. Unless you have a condition that may require a certain type of mattress, you should choose a mattress that provides support for the natural curves of your spine and is comfortable.
I was gulping down a glass of water after I gave a speech at the 2013 National Eating Disorder Association Conference in Washington DC. It was a really rewarding talk about my experience as a human being suffering with an eating disorder in the midst of Operation Iraqi Freedom III as a Marine Corps Engineer Officer. I spoke of leadership, growth, recovery, and how enriched my life has become. I spoke of how my choice to get help was a turning point in my life that took me down the path of growth and self-acceptance that I am on now.
As I was gulping down the water, reminiscing and taking a moment to feel grateful when a rather short fellow with glasses approached me and thanked me for my service and the talk. He mentioned he was moved and that if interested he would like me to consider writing a memoir.
Of course, it was a thought, but with what time? I had just started my own business at the time and I was already working on a book with some colleagues from the Marines that was extremely meaningful but not turning out as planned. It was a project that allowed me to invite those who inspired me to write their story as part of an anthology. I didn’t realize through this process, I also invited my big heart into the lives of my friends who suffered, dared, and triumphed greatly. I suffered with them while writing this book. I healed with them while writing this book. But, I also suffered trying to please each and every one of them wanting them to know their story mattered and it would get out there in the world so help me God. Because of this my focus in the business I started and loved suffered, my ability to be present with my new husband, Per suffered, and in the end, my friendships with these women. I had to let it go, and with it I started to let go of the people pleaser and the need to hold onto friends who were not really good friends back. I started to make more time for myself and value my time like it was gold, not inviting new projects, appointments, or entertaining friendships who were not positive. I cleaned house!
Flash forward a half a year, I decided to work with this Alan fellow who was persistent that my story would touch lives. Working with Alan over the past year in a half has been extremely life giving and inspiring for me. I have been able to uncover to someone I trust, pieces of my life that have changed me forever and I KNOW others will relate too.
So here is my interview with my co-author of my upcoming memoir, WARRIOR.
What is a life changing experience in your life?
Getting to write this book, Warrior has been life changing. I had a dear friend who suffered from an eating disorder and I knew I had to write about it. I knew I somehow had to write about this. I am a writer, this is who I am, and because this person was so important to me, I didn’t know how to write about them. When I heard you speak, Theresa, I was taken by your experience along with everyone else in the crowd. I felt it was a way to connect your incredible story to my own friend’s story and experience and therefore effect lives. Stories change lives. In order to truly tell your story Theresa I felt I needed to have this heart felt connection to my friend to really do it justice.
I felt that writing this book was a have too and something our world needs to hear. Positivity, resilience while and through suffering with an eating disorder, loss, war, stress, and body dimorphism that EVERYONE can relate to somehow. I had to write this book.
How would you define yourself as a warrior?
Being a warrior means you have both inner and outer strength. Every human has this strength, it is whether they tap into it or not. Some people show off their outer strength, others their inner, and others both!
I am not afraid to ask for help or take risks. I do not mind going too far, and do not like playing it safe. Trust talent, trust skill, and go for it. You cannot be afraid to fail in this business or succeed.
Being a writer is very much like being a successful Marine. Surround yourself by a good team. I write, someone else published, lands the book deal, markets etc. We work together for one cause- to sell books that inspire the heck out of people.
Why WARRIOR?
When I write a book, I do a lot of research. I read a lot about Iraq and eating disorders for this book. One of the books I read was Thank you for Your Service, by David Finkel. One of my favorite quotes from this book, “it takes the courage and strength of a warrior to ask for help.”
Also, when I looked up book titles on amazon, I was shocked that there were no books titled Warrior.
What made you want to be a writer?
I wanted to be a writer from the time I was ten years old. I wrote my first book in the 6th grade which was a detective story. It wasn’t published. I was always a big reader; reading was the entertainment that turned me on the most. When I was in the second grade we lived in Massachusettes, had huge stairs outside our home. I invited kids in the neighborhood to come listen to me tell stories. I did this every day. Yes I am totally geeky!
What makes you tick Alan?
Writing gets me tick. Love what I do. My life make me tick, my wife, my kids, my work make me tick. I would never write a book that I would not put my name on it. It’s a question of pride. I am a simple home body. I don’t travel, do not drive a sports car, I love being home and I love food.
If you could have one super power what would it be?
I would have excellent vision and would be able to SEE in every sense. Not look, but see things in a way that other people can’t see. I was blessed that I saw this as a story when I heard you speak.
What do I admire most about Alan?
I admire his patience and encouragement. He helped me understand HOW my story would change lives down the very politics of writing my story. He didn’t push me, rather let me come to the decision myself.
Alan is a friend, fellow warrior, and now a co-author or our very near future (April 5th 2016 by Harper One, a division of Harper Collins) book WARRIOR. This will be one of the most read, eye opening, very real, and highly influential books of its time!
