“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou
I cannot help but notice that despite having the opportunity to know a good number of successful entrepreneurs, healers, life coaches, yoga masters, fitness coaches, meditation coaches and medical doctors, unfortunately only a FEW have left a mark on me thus far. I think we can all tell in the first few minutes of meeting someone if they are interested in the other side of their conversations, or if they are fully present. With our hands full of social media, emails, and data, and our bodies full of caffeine or sugar, it seems like attention deficit disorder is rampant.
Growing up, I had a great coach who taught me how to discern if someone is genuine or fake. In today’s world, our filtered online lives often shine brighter than our real, unfiltered lives. Our devices are distractions to our present, and our presence. Thankfully my coach didn’t even know what social media was, and in my opinion was better for it. For my coach, time and being present most definitely equalled love.
This time + presence = love lesson is something I’ve tried not to forget and is absolutely refreshing when I am on the receiving end. I find poignant examples of this lesson in my life in the following:
- While spending time at my Mothers bedside at age 10, singing songs to her and reading her stories while she was slowly passing away (me being present to her, but I suspect she was being even more present to me);
- When attending my young pitchers’ softball games;
- A good friend traveling cross-country to see me when I was confused and struggling to figure out my life after leaving the Marine Corps;
- When searching for a more meaningful path in physical therapy, I went to visit a physio ninja up San Francisco, who took time out of his very busy schedule to help me with my direction.
But I digress a bit.
From this particular coach – whom some call the Wizard – I learned a number of deep and precious life lessons. This man was someone who served his country as a US Army Officer during Vietnam, worked on an oil platform in Alaska, made some serious money as a commodity broker, married a beautiful German woman, had three children, and gave up everything so he could be home to care for his wife who eventually passed away from breast cancer. This wizard built a log cabin with one of his friends, started his own business which he eventually sold, and then became a Catholic priest. As a priest, he turned his parish’s finances around, he visited the sick no matter what time of day or night, he fished with friends and family any opportunity he could, he rode his bike hundreds and hundreds of miles not for himself but as dedication to a cause, and he donated his meager income to causes that were about changing the world.
What he did, however, is not nearly as important or touching as how he made his fellow humans feel. This Wizard of a man inspired a long trail of funny and heart-warming stories being told about him, memorials dedicated to him, masses said for him, and donations being made on his behalf. I know he made me feel like a million bucks. He was my biggest fan, someone I trusted, someone who loved me unconditionally, someone who made me feel like I was good enough.
This Wizard was my Dad, Father Joseph Hornick. He passed away in Fall 2014, while cycling a 100 mile route, having dedicated it to a friend with terminal cancer. His accomplishments are amazing and are talked about to this day amongst the thousands of people he has inspired. But the tears of gratitude and sadness swell when conversations turn to how he made people feel. Accepted, warm, loved by God, fully capable, and listened too. From the man who confessed about beating his wife to the 98 year old in the hospital whose family had neglected her, my Father would be fully present without judgement. I am hoping I can do the same.
Has anyone ever commented on how they feel in your presence? If not, then ask someone close to you. You will make the most impact if you are present, genuine, and show your ability to listen to the person on the other side of the conversation. Be the Wizard in your sphere of influence.
